From the editor: All Characters and events in this article are real. Any similarity to actual events or persons, living or dead, is absolutely not co-incidental. Only the name of the agency has been changed.

As usual, I arrived to the office by 10 am. Today is Monday and we have a planning meeting. I am very surprised that Masha, the secretary of our boss, is humming a merry tune and arranging flowers at the reception. It could mean only one thing - we are blessed by  a visit of our boss. Can it be true that he arrived? He is not very often in the office. Our boss is an American. He is very respectable and important. He could not be any different having such a business! Yes, this is it: Masha has made his office ready. Damn, I will have to do without my morning cup of coffee today. Our boss doesn't like when we are late.

XXX

We were all present for the planning meeting. Seven interpreters! Bingo, we will have to work hard... Ok, we are taking notes: 14 foreign gentlemen... Hmm, gentlemen... Can you call a sex tourist a gentlemen? Ok, 11 Americans, 2 Canadians and 1 Mexican. Ok, yes, I understand.... to find accommodations, divide them into groups, assign an interpreter to each group... Of course, I am responsible for all organisational questions. Poor girls who are going to be responsible for collecting "material" for our customers, I would not want to be in their shoes. Oh ok, the collection is assigned to Natalia and Milena. Das ist gut. They will manage. They have an iron grasp. They will easily collect at least 300 ladies of every age and "colour".

So to say,. our boss got into the right stream (or the stream got our boss, go figure). To make a long story short, he met his wife (I think she is his fifth wife), in a marriage agency. Why he went there on the first place, nobody knows. But Galina was there in the right place at the right time. She didn't provide the matchmaking service for the potential groom but she did something absolutely different: it was so different that after one month our boss was dragging her to ZAGS to get married. Galina is someone who can be described "young but ripe". One has to have a special gift at 23 to get herself a 40 year old American with lots of money... What happened next was they simply opened their Klondike here in Russia. Before leaving her job in the marriage agency, Galina "took" the database of brides along with her. Together with her husband they decided to organise a "sell-the-russian-brides"marketplace. All in all that means that in one banquet hall they gather lots of "brides" who cannot wait to "sell" themselves to the foreigners. And there is no need to wait for the buyers. These guys come to Russia, can look at the commodity, and I must say, they have fun to the fullest. I am not blaming my boss though. If not for him, where could I possibly find such a great job and such good money?

29^th of July 19xx

All this week we have been running around booking hotels, restaurants, etc... First customers are arriving today. I am going to meet them at the airport: I have booked the bus already. Ok, I have a trained smile, great makeup, everything is thought carefully.

 Ok, these are our dear guests. Very colourful people. Let us drive to the hotel, I will start getting to know them better once we arrive. God, why would I need these "grooms"? They are quite ordinary guys: some are thin, some are fat, they are dressed differently. But they all have something in common that makes them almost twin-brothers... No, not what you have just thought about... They all have this similar curious-disgusted-disdainful look... I had an impression that they came for safari and just entered the monkey-nursery. They are interested yet scared. And they have this knowledge that they are kings of the jungle here. But it's ok, they are allowed to feel superior. They have paid lots of money to come to Russia: 3000 -4000 dollars. Our interpreters make best money. They are paid per hour and in addition if a customer wants, wants, desires, desires... then our girl can translate even under the customer's bed. Then they make good extra money.

The evening of the same day

The more I communicate with these so called men, the more difficult it is for me to smile at them. God, such a slimy crowd! Look, that one, grey haired gentleman who looks very decent. He is 65, he has been married 4 times. He is considering himself a gigolo. His list of requirements for his future wife is just wow. And he is looking for someone up to 35 y.o. And look at that one: fat, bold "millionaire". For one hour today he was telling me what a bitch his ex wife was. Frankly, I would have also dumped this stinking piece of meat. Here is another one, a real idiot.  His brain definitely works binary. Poor girl who will marry him. "Knock, knock, where is your husband? - He is not around, he is on line..." And that colourful Mexican! What a man! I cannot believe that anyone can fall for this weirdo. He is so short, he will need to stand on a chair to kiss his bride.
And all our grooms are studying the catalogues of our girls, some are checking the profiles on the internet with a concerned look.

Just now we had a group meeting with our "grooms". When I asked them the question what they were looking for in Russia, they all answered the same: looking for a good, kind, intelligent, beautiful, loving and caring wife." "But it is more complex than finding someone locally", I told them. They immediately started to complain how awful American women are, that they don't love their men, that the only thing they want is money and career. Ok, ok, don't be so harsh, tomorrow, guys, you will have at least 20 girls for each of you. What's your problem?

30^th of July 19xx

Wow, the guys have even tried to dress up! I wish they didn't do it. The Mexican is wearing a jacket that he definitely borrowed from Gulliver when he was visiting his Lilliputian country . And that red haired cowboy from Texas! Wow, such boots I have seen only in westerns. And he is wearing a red shirt. At least the shirt is not with a chicken pattern. And our millionaire even got himself a bow-tie. He is pleasant to look at: a volleyball who is about to get married. Today in the morning I looked at their itinerary whilst in Russia. Well, what can I say: these guys really came to visit all possible places in our big country. One day show: I mean one show every day in every city for two weeks. Aren't they going to be dizzy after seeing so many brides? And how much Viagra do they have to consume?

At the appointed time the brides are starting to arrive. Wow, what ladies! I think our beauty parlous had a lot of work to do today. Now I will go and listen what they are all talking about...An hour laterWow, I am speechless! They are talking a lot. Mostly they are talking about how much they want to get out of Russia and it doesn't matter where or with whom. Though they were mostly saying that they want "a normal family, kids, and love" but they should understand that you cannot find love HERE! Our "body collectors" are talking with the brides but with such icy smiles and disgusted looks, that I would have run away from such humiliation. Several times I overheard our brides whispering: "I don't care about them, lets have fun and practice our English". Yesterday all the girls were having an English test. Today each of them had a medal on her chest: red medal means that she is fluent, yellow means she can read and write with dictionary, green one means "I don't understand a single word". I would have introduced a blue medal " I am not able to talk and cannot read in any language whatsoever."

Green girls are hanging out close to translators trying not to miss anything important. Now the orchestra is playing touché, the girls are frozen, and finally our males appear on the stage...Two hours laterI am very proud to have this job. You even cannot imagine how much I had to run around to be able to rent this banquet hall. Boss was unusually generous and ordered to serve champagne for free. Although considering the money he collected from all our cowboys, champagne cost really nothing. But it works for their benefits, it helps them to talk more freely, it helps to establish a better international mating. Our guys are flying from one table to another, their notebooks are getting more and more filled up with phone numbers and brief notes. Of course, how could you ever possibly remember who is Natasha and where Raisa prefers to live... Our interpreters are seemingly bored: the questions asked are all standard, the answers are even worse. The brides are overexcited! Now the DJ is going to play a song: "Lady, are you dancing tonight? maybe singing?"

I cannot help but laugh out loud: the Mexican asked a woman who can easily lift him in her arms, for a dance. He is somewhere in between her bosom and is caressing something that reminds you of her back. Now they are going back to the table. This woman is someone who I would give a blue medal. The interpreter is trying not to laugh. But our couple is so into looking at each other, than they do not notice anything around them. Ok, our Mexican is lost. I am starting to roam around the room, I am very curious...

Four hours after the beginning of the social

Our grooms are getting tired, I can tell it from their exhausted look. Some of them seem to be disappointed. I overheard how the Canadian was complaining to an elderly American "But the girls are not that smart, and lots of them just came here to play. What have we paid the money for?" The old gigolo told him smiling, "Hey, take it easy mate. This is not the last orgy." At the table in the corner, the merry Texan cowboy is holding two girls on his lap and trying to hug two others sitting at his side. Ok, this one is having fun. I bet tomorrow he will call all of them to fix a date.

The evening is about to end. Oh, the Mexican and his fatty are moving towards the exit following the interpreter. Let's go and find out what is going on with them... Is the interpreter going to go with them to the hotel? No, she is coming back to the room.... I don't understand anything and ask her: "Where are the customers?" She tells me laughing: "They are gone". I ask: "How are they going to communicate?" " They are ok, she says, "they understand each other and they use the body language". Oh ok... cool.

The girls who have already understood that there is nothing here to catch are slowly leaving. Those who still have some hope are looking mysteriously at the tired and worn out grooms. The curtain is down.

The next day

Our grooms slept till noon. They woke up tired, worn, but excited from the prospect of the upcoming selection work. Some of them  are already on the phone making dates with potential brides. This work is very important, it requires the maximum concentration. The day will be scheduled up to the last minute. I am being torn to pieces, everybody is asking where it is better to meet, what public transport is better to use, where to buy flowers, what restaurant is cheap and decent, etc. etc. I am running around like a mad answering all those questions. And our guys are really into doing things properly: two guys arranged to meet with 16 girls! I am asking them how they are going to manage to date all of them... They say it is easy: 15 minutes for each of the brides, and they are managing all right. Ok, maybe it makes sense. Queue up, all the candidates will be considered. But our Mexican didn't go anywhere. He settled down with his Madonna in her flat.

The latest news: that computer freak has figured out his  victim by some complex mathematical method. Now he is going to brainwash her how wonderful life is behind the American computer.
During our morning planning meeting our boss told us that every American merchant can "export" home one Russian bride. There is a possibility to get them this special 24 days fiancée visa. Afterwards the groom should decide whether to marry his fiancée or to send her back home.
Our boss hinted that our commissions will depend on the number of exported fiancées  Ok, we will do our best.

Evening of the same day

Our Mexican just appeared in the hotel lobby. He looks really good walking together with his Madonna. They look like a woman with a dog to tell you the truth. But they are totally happy. They are going through the hotel lobby. The bride is constantly trying to fix her hair demonstrating a huge diamond sparkling on her engagement ring. One visa is done, thanks god.

The millionaire is saying looking at the couple: "I could not drink that much". I wish he could see himself.. maybe he would have kept quiet then.SundayThe trip is over. Five guys are bringing back brides with them. The rest are bringing souvenirs, and "butterflies in their stomach", thinking about several pairs of women's hands caressing their bodies and with the gained confidence about their male qualities. Well, it will make them feel not so worthless when the next American lady sends them to hell. He will carry this feeling of superiority and the recollection of all those adoring looks of Russian brides.

By Zoya Smirnova

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